Memoirs Of A Repo Man: By Nathan Wallace
by Hikaru Koen
Summary: Nathan's POV. Slash. Nathan recalls his life as GeneCo's top Repo Man. If you don't like it, please don't read it. Rated M due to violence, language, and sexual content.


**Memoirs Of A Repo Man: By Nathan Wallace**

_Nathan Wallace's POV._

* * *

The first time I heard that deep, subhuman voice I nearly pissed myself. It was like nothing I had ever heard before. At first I thought it was someone talking to me, but very soon I began to realize it was myself. Not just myself---but my conscience. This happened within the first six months of being a Repo Man.

This voice only came out of hiding whenever I put on my Repo Man attire and went to work. He laid dormant majority of the time. I always wondered where he went whenever I didn't hear him talking to me.

I actually thought he slept at one point, but then I realized that he was doing everything but sleeping. He was consuming my life one cell at a time. This man, voice, or whatever you want to call him began to do things that utterly shocked me.

He began to _fully_ control my body, not just my voice and my job. I discovered this very occurrence late one night after repossessing some poor man's stomach. I had just got home and I was on my way to my lab to remove my garments.

I slyly slid downstairs, shutting the door quietly behind me. As I made my way deeper into the lab, I began to hear that all too familiar voice. His voice came out sounding vile, and harsh as if he wanted to murder me.

_Nathan, what in the hell have you done!? I told you to cut cleanly across his chest and down to his stomach, not directly down his stomach! Rotti will NOT be pleased; you nearly cut the stomach to shreds! What would you do without me? _

I shook my head trying to rid the horrid voice from my mind. This wasn't happening to me. I wasn't arguing with myself. I had NOT gone insane! As I stood there listening to this---this--- man scold me, a very familiar urge began to creep over my entire system.

I felt my body acting on its own, doing things I wish it wasn't. I felt a hot wave rush over my face, as I looked down knowing what had occurred. I was embarrassed for the most part, not because of my sudden erection but because it wasn't me who caused it.

I glanced down not knowing what to think or do. I could always relieve it or I could further ignore it, hoping my voice would cease it. I began to wonder what if I got a sudden call from Rotti. I would look like a complete moron if I went into his office sporting a hard-on.

I had to do something; I had to be in complete control. That damned voice had me and he knew it. Words poured out of my mouth, trying to convince him to stop it. Before I knew it, my hand was quickly unzipping my pants releasing my hard, throbbing cock.

I tried to fight back, it was useless though. He took complete control over me; there was nothing I could do. I grabbed a hold of my cock, roughly sliding my gloved hand down it.

My body slightly shook as I felt not myself, but _him _jacking me off. He seemed to know what I liked down to the very last detail. I found myself walking over to a nearby steel table.

I was forced to bend over it, I slightly gasped as I saw my free hand reaching for a long, diamond shaped object. I knew what was about to happen and I couldn't stop it. I had never experienced anal before this.

I was always curious about it, but I could never find the courage to even begin to come out of the closet. More or less admit to myself that I actually wanted anal. My pants slowly slid off, landing over my ankles.

I held my breath, as the object made its way closer and closer to my exposed flesh. I felt the very tip of it enter my ass. The coldness of the object sent a sharp shiver up my spine; my legs began to slightly shake.

That same familiar voice echoed within my mind, taunting me.

_Hold still Nathan or I'll ram it up your ass so far I'll pierce your eyes with it. Who knew you'd be this damn gay? Oh wait, I did. Now, hold still like a good boy or I'll make damn sure your ass will never experience this again. _

I did what I was told, I held as still as I could possibly be. I didn't want to screw this up. I knew he meant it. I tried to relax as I took in a few quick breaths. I was scared out of my mind. Slowly, I felt the cool, smooth metal object enter further into my ass.

It felt so strange yet so good. I lowly grunted as the object was forced deeper inside me. My other hand was rapidly groping my cock, making sure that I felt pleasure. I cussed under my breath as he pushed the object slightly further.

_Don't think I didn't hear what you said. I always know what you think and say. Here, allow me to make your wildest dream come true…Don't say I never gave you anything._

An odd sensation crept over me, I felt the object slowly sliding out of me. I had no idea what was going on. I didn't know how far he was going to take it. Suddenly, my body violently shuttered as I felt the object returning deeper within me.

A low moan escaped my lips, as my knees grew weaker. The object was jammed so far into me that it brushed against my prostate. My moaning grew louder, as I felt that insane pleasure shoot through my entire body. Sweat was fiercely dripping down my forehead, I felt amazing.

My voice viciously pulled the object almost completely out of my ass. I begged for more, I needed more. He accepted my pleasurable request, as I felt the object soar within me. I screamed out fuck, as my entire body shook.

White liquid shot out of me, as I felt the object being pulled all the way out of my ass. My knees shook under me, they almost gave away.

My hair was soaked in sweat, it poured like a fountain on the steel table. I let out a final low grunt, as I heard him slightly laughing in the background.

My face was flushed red as I tried to compose myself. I felt him removing _our_ gloves and throwing them aside. A pleasurable smile crept over my face, as I stared at the white mess below me.

I breathed deeply, running a hand through my drenched hair. I seriously needed a shower after all that.

_I'm glad you enjoyed it Nathan. Next time I won't be so easy on you. _

The next morning, I awoke feeling pain running rapidly through out my body. My ass severely ached, as I slowly sat up in bed. The second my feet hit the floor my watch communicator went off.

Rotti Largo's face illuminated before me, I reached over as I clicked the button to answer it. I heard his voice boom out.

"Nathan, meet me in my office at once. We have to discuss something."

His voice clicked off, as I wondered what in the hell he was talking about. I didn't know what he wanted to talk to me about. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, the hairs on the back of my neck stood. Something wasn't right.

I arrived at his office ten minutes later, getting off the elevator. There sitting across the room, was none other then Rotti Largo. I instantly noticed that his kids and his hench women weren't there. I slowly walked toward him, his facial expression was set in stone.

I stared into his hard, unemotional eyes.

"You wanted to discuss something with me?"

Rotti merely nodded, pulling out a file from the giant stack next to him. He opened it up, glancing inside and throwing it in my direction. He motioned for me to pick it up and I did what I was told.

Inside were several detailed pages of the first two months of my work as a Repo Man. I scrolled over the first few names and what I had repossessed. I followed out every repossession down to the very last detail. Rotti appeared impressed.

"Nathan you are my top Repo Man. I'm glad to have such a skilled person such as yourself, but I do have some concerns."

I gripped the folder tightly in my hands, I wasn't sure what was coming next. My gaze clashed with his, as I tried to make sense of it all.

"Concerns? You just said I am your best. How can you have concerns?"

Rotti's plump finger pointed at the folder. I was shocked to find that the answer I sought out was in my hands. I wasn't sure if the folder was open to the public or not. It could pose a huge problem if it was.

I carefully undid my death grip on the folder. I slowly opened it, peering at every page. Sure enough there it was. Merged at the very back of the folder, was a single piece of paper and a photo attached to it.

I instantly grabbed the photo, staring holes into it. My mouth slightly opened in horror at what I saw before me. That was me physically, but it wasn't me at all. It was _him_, that voice. A satisfied smirk appeared over Rotti's face, as he watched my expression.

Rotti knew I had screwed up big time, as he had me right where he wanted. The photo showed "me" covered in blood from freshly repossessing a brain. I was carefully bent over next to the body, with my pants unzipped and heavily masturbating.

My hard cock was in full view of the camera that took this. Blood dripped down my cock, as it appeared as though I had put it there to begin with. My eyes were wide as I stared at the blood bath. The street was literally drenched with the foul red liquid.

I had no memory of this event whatsoever. I stared at the image dumbfounded as hell. My brain felt heavy and fuzzy. I couldn't concentrate on anything else except for that photo. If that voice did this one night, I could only imagine what else he was up to.

I couldn't come to terms with that voice controlling me without any memory of it. I couldn't fathom what was going on. I wasn't even sure how that could even happen. I did know one thing though, I knew that the voice had to be stopped. I just didn't know how.

My eyes slowly made their way to Rotti's face. He appeared as though he was slightly upset at what he had discovered about me. I knew I wasn't that type of person though. I wasn't a sadist! I wasn't sure what to even begin to say to my boss. I was confused and hurt.

Rotti's eyes bore into mine as if I were a sick, twisted pervert. I closed the folder, extending it toward him. He swiftly took it back, laying it on the table.

"Nathan, I'm not sure where to begin. You violated so many rules by doing that. Not only did you to it to a client, but you did it as a Repo Man. How am I suppose to acknowledge the fact that I've hired a perverted sadist?"

I shook my head, I wasn't sure what to say. I knew how Rotti felt, but I wasn't sure how I was supposed to explain myself to him. I couldn't tell him that I really didn't do that. I couldn't tell him that it was that voice inside my head doing all of this.

I would've sounded like a fucking lunatic. Anyone would have. I cleared my voice, attempting to speak.

"Rotti…I--I don't know what came over me. Please, let me keep my job. You are the only person who would hire me after the accident. Please I have Shilo to take care of, she's just a baby."

I wasn't going to risk sounding like an insane person. I had to keep my job no matter what. Shilo was still very young whenever this happened. Marni had just died a few months before this.

A deep sigh escaped Rotti's lips, his eyes dug deeper into mine.

"You realize that if I allow you to keep your job, that I'd be setting a bad example to the other Repo Men? It would be as if I told them that they could do whatever they wished. That's not going to happen while I'm running this great, vast company."

My head lowered as a sign of defeat. Rotti was right, I would have been insane to think I was going to keep my job after all of that. Rotti however, had this to say.

"If I let you go you would become a worthless human being. Word would rapidly spread about what occurred and that would give GeneCo a bad rep. I'll tell you what I'm going to do Nathan. I'll let you keep your job as a Repo Man. BUT, you will answer directly to me whenever I need you. You will be at my beckon call 24/7 with no questions asked. You will do what I say and when I say it. Your pay will also be docked by half. Do I make myself clear?"

I simply nodded at the founder of GeneCo. I gave a half smile of appreciation and proceeded to leave his office. I stopped halfway before getting on the elevator. I only had one question to ask him.

"How did you obtain the photo?"

A small smirk spread over that devilish face of his.

"An anonymous donor."

I came to learn later that the 'anonymous donor' was a nameless patient who had been seconds away from having his lung repossessed. Out of sheer luck, he had discovered "me" and thought he could get money out of Rotti for his picture.

The donor was right, because instead of paying the man off for the photo; Rotti had made the man's payments for him. It was as if the donor was purposely trying to catch something like this.

I directly went home after that meeting. I had stayed inside of his office for a while, and I hadn't checked on Shilo in a bit.

As I checked on my daughter, noting that she was alright; that voice returned to me. He sounded very dissatisfied with my immediate acceptance of Rotti's wishes.

_What in the hell were you thinking!? Why in the fuck did you take that deal!? You're nothing more then a slave to that greedy bastard now. Why didn't you consult me before accepting that? You're a fucking pussy!!_

I made no remark at _him_ until I had safely left Shilo's room and went downstairs. There I could actually here myself think, even if it was my evil conscience. I didn't want to disturb my one and only daughter. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for that.

I tried effortlessly to convince my voice that I had no other choice. I told him that he had fucked up by doing that to that victim. I told him it was _his_ fault and NOT mine, he put us in this situation to begin with.

_Me? You are blaming all of this on ME? I did no such thing Nathan. You must be mistaken. _

I questioned the fact that even _he_ saw the picture. That clearly wasn't my doing. He was in the Repo Man attire whenever this occurred. He was the only one who controlled me whenever I put on that death suit. I had him there.

_Okay fine, maybe it was my fault. That guy had it coming to him! He offered me sex if I didn't repossess his brain. So, I did what anyone in my situation would do. I fucked his brains out, literally. Then after I fucked him I repossessed it!_

He had said it plain as day. It was all because of him that I was "caught" doing unspeakable acts to another human being. He turned me into a sick monster that even I was too ashamed to admit to.

The following week had become such a blur to me. I didn't remember anything. I knew he had found a way to completely control me.

I went over it a million times in my mind. I couldn't begin to grasp the fact that he could do that. He was becoming very powerful and I had no clue on how to stop him.

I was quickly losing the battle that I had promised myself I would win. I had to win and end this insane take over. There were only certain things I could remember during that week. For instance, I remembered being fucked very hard in the ass.

I didn't know whom was doing that to my body, the only clue I had was this sentence.

"Think you can get me some more _coffee _babe? I feel like _murdering_ someone if I don't have it."

There was another moment similar to that one during that thoughtless week. I thought I had recognized that voice from the guy with the coffee obsession.

"My dad would probably _murder_ me if he found out we are together. Let's just keep this between us."

My vision became so dark and blurry that everything seemed to _mesh_ together. It was as if I had relived these moments some where else. I knew I couldn't have though. I just couldn't shake the feeling that I had experienced everything all over again.

The last thing I remembered before completely blacking out, was tucking Shiloh into bed late one evening. The long and difficult blackout ended soon after that. I found myself half drooling on my pillow, my body ached beyond belief.

I bolted up into bed, staring into the black abyss that was my bedroom. My eyes strained to focus on anything in the room.

I reached over, snatching my glasses off of the night stand next to me. I glanced around my room making sure I didn't have any unwanted visitors. I was completely alone.

Many years had long passed since then. Shilo was growing quickly, she was a child at that point. That voice had been talking to be regularly, almost non stop.

He was driving me insane, he would not leave me alone. I didn't have a moment's peace to myself to where I could just think.

That was probably one of my biggest concerns, I was _never_ alone. I couldn't enjoy the simple things in life that I grew to love. _He_ was always criticizing me about every little thing I did. He knew how it got on my nerves. He _loved_ getting on my nerves.

During Shilo's childhood, I remembered receiving several late night phone calls from Rotti. He had me doing almost anything he could think of. I was still being "punished" for that damn photo so many years ago.

At one point, Rotti made me do his laundry just to humiliate me. On summer days, he would make me help keep an eye on his kids whenever they ventured out. His kids were all adults at that point. Still, Rotti wanted to make sure they weren't wasting his money on something completely pointless.

Rotti made me report back to him during certain time intervals whenever I was "assisting" him. He kept a very close eye on me, even more then his kids. I felt like I had sold myself to the devil. I was his _slave_.

My voice was becoming so powerful, that at any point that he could possess me at will. I never knew when it was going to occur. Every chance he tried to possess me, I fought back as hard as I could.

Every time he possessed me, I slowly began to see into _his world_. I saw the things he was doing to my body. I saw the people he was hanging out with. I saw the horror written on his victim's faces after snatching their organs. I saw things I wish I hadn't.

The more he possessed me, the more I became stronger. I began to fight back, and I was winning. I didn't think he realized I was growing stronger. It brought me some relief, I knew I could actually win this war. My conscience spoke to me after a very rare day of peace and quite all to myself.

_Hey Nathan. I know of a way we could get rid of Rotti. Yeah, I know plenty of ways to get rid of that fat ass slave driver. I could easily repossess a number of his organs and hang them all over his office walls. Or better yet, I could repossess all of his kid's organs…Nah, I think he would like that. What do you think?_

My mouth slightly gapped open, as my mind raced over those demonic plans. Instantly, I began to protest every one of them. There was no way _we_ were going to do that. I couldn't risk getting "caught" once again and permanently lose my job. I wouldn't allow that to happen.

He became very violent and edgy. My hand smacked me straight across the face, making a sickening, almost bone crunching sound. Tears poured out of my eyes like a waterfall. I had never been hit that hard in all my life.

I quickly rushed to the mirror on my bedroom wall, staring at the bloody red coloring on my face. It appeared as though I was hit with a shovel on the left side of my cheek. It ached so damn bad, my body was slightly shaking.

My mind was racing, I couldn't believe I had just been smacked the hell out of by my voice. I couldn't believe how powerful his smack was. It hurt so damn bad. His voice slowly crept back in my mind. He sounded very pleased with himself.

_I did that to teach you a lesson. You can't fuck with me! I will do whatever I want to do. You can't fucking stop me. You seem to think you have complete control over this body. Think again Nathan! This body is MINE!!_

Horrified, I ran out of my bedroom heading toward the front door. I had to escape somehow, I had to get out of that house! I couldn't take that anymore, my life was a living hell.

_Where do you think you are going? Get your ass back here!!_

Suddenly, I felt my body violently shake as I threw myself against a wall. I immediately fell to the ground, my head cracked against the hard, wooden floor. It felt as though I was quickly spinning in a circle.

I felt warm liquid gushing out of my mouth, it tasted like metal. I tried to slowly get up, but my body wouldn't allow it. Darkness engulfed everything around me, I blacked out. I'm not sure how long I was out for. It felt as though time had quickly passed by me.

I knew I had been out for a while. As I slowly began to regain consciousness, I was blinded by the bright city lights. I instantly knew what had happened. My voice had purposely smacked and knocked my ass out to make it easier for him to control me.

My body ached, as I felt myself grabbing someone's throat. I tried to see what was going on, but my eyes failed me. All I saw was darkness. I heard shots of sound rushing at me. I knew what was going on, a repossession.

I remained silent as I let my other half do his job. He obviously couldn't feel the pain, since he was still able to work. It pissed me off how he could do something like that to me. I hated how he thought he was the dominate half. It was my body after all, not _his_.

My consciousness fully returned to me several hours later. Apparently, my voice didn't realize he could some how completely drain himself of energy by taking me over. I thought that I finally beat him at something.

I thought my hard fought victory meant something, too bad I was wrong. I found myself coming to almost around midnight. A cold, sharp sensation shot up my spine like a bullet. My eyes slowly opened, as my surroundings came thrashing into my sight. I was inside of the one place Shilo knew nothing about, my lab.

As my eyes tried to focus on the harsh surroundings, a familiar scent shot up my nostrils. I knew that scent all too well, for I had smelt it during every repossession. The aroma of freshly spilled blood soared through out my lab.

My eyes popped open, as I saw where the stench was coming from. Chained against a wall in front of me, was a black-haired, half decapitated man. The gooey, red liquid resembled a freshly dropped slushy on the cold ground.

Organs were flung in every direction, as if the repossession didn't matter. It resembled a brutal massacre. My thoughts ran amuck, as I tried to make sense of everything. I wasn't sure why my voice had done this senseless killing.

I remained quite, wondering if my voice would explain what I saw before me. He was just as silent as I was. I heard nothing. I thought for a brief second that he had finally left me alone, I was wrong. Creeping out of the dark shadows of my mind, his voice echoed.

_It's about damn time you're up! I was wondering when you were going to see my latest masterpiece. _

I wasn't sure how to respond to that retched voice. I remembered demanding him to explain himself, he simply laughed at my attempt at anger.

_You demand me? That's very funny. You realize I didn't have to kill him right? All I had to do was repossess one simply little thing, his balls. Trust me, they were little. After I did my job, I found myself becoming very hard. You were still knocked out, so I had to relieve myself. This body made the perfect bowl for my cum. I drenched that dead bastard, he's soaked to the bone. _

Speechless, I merely shook my head as if I couldn't do anything about it. I had no idea how to even handle that. Even if I lectured him to the brink of madness, he would still do whatever he wanted. I may have lost that battle, but it didn't matter. I was preparing for a war.

A few weeks slowly stepped by, as my life was completely falling apart. Shilo began to grow up into a teenager around this time. She had asked me many of the same questions she did as a child. I simplified everything for her.

One late evening, I was on the brink of falling fast asleep until my watch communicator woke me up. Rotti Largo's angry voice came blaring out at me. Immediately, I shuffled my clothes on as I dashed out of the house trying not to make a sound.

As I entered Rotti's office, I noticed two things. One: all of his kids were sitting around appearing bored out of their mind. Two: his venomous hench girls were standing directly behind him awaiting orders. My instincts took control as I knew something wasn't quite right.

As I quickly made my toward the GeneCo founder, his eyes burned holes in me. The eyes of his children were on me like sticky glue.

My voice came out sounding cool and calm.

"Hello Rotti. You wanted to see me?"

The gray-haired man merely nodded at me, he appeared tired and cranky.

"Good for you to quickly arrive Nathan. It has come to my attention that your latest organ repossession didn't follow though."

My eyes widened as I heard the news, Rotti continued to speak.

"You failed to deliver the balls to GeneCo. Where is the property?"

My mouth slightly gapped open as he asked me this question. I had no clue whatsoever where the testicles had vanished to. The voice never told me what happened after he masturbated to the bloody corpse. I was screwed.

"Nathan! I am going to ask you again. Where is GeneCo's property?"

I swallowed down a deep breath, attempting to lie my way out.

"I'm sorry. I must have left them back in my lab. I meant to grab them before I came here, but I rushed as fast as I could and completely forgot ."

A very small sigh of relief drifted from the fat man's mouth. He appeared more worried about the organ then over my forgetfulness. He gave me a firm nod, as he pointed toward the elevator.

"Get them back here at once. If this happens again don't bother showing up for work."

My mouth twisted into a tiny smile of forgiveness, as I made my way home. I was very fortunate Rotti didn't fire me there on the spot.

I promptly returned the blood soaked organ to GeneCo soon after the meeting. I didn't stay any longer then I had to. His office always freaked me out for some reason.

After quickly leaving the strange office, I found myself wandering the harsh streets of the deformed city. As I strolled on, I noticed just how many people were actually living on the streets.

I saw things that blew my mind away. There were Zydrate junkies of all ages, swarming around this long-haired dealer.

I peered on from a distance, as I witnessed this tall man administering the glowing blue drug to some young woman. The dealer's eyes caught mine for a split second.

He stared at me, as I felt his eyes trace over my body. I came to a complete halt, as I stood there mesmerized in a trance. The Z dealer motioned the glowing blue gun in my direction, offering a hit of it. I glanced around curiously, as if there were some junkie lurking behind me in the shadows.

The man motioned at me once more, the gun was firmly in his hand. I cautiously sauntered toward the rainbow-colored haired man. His eyes were wide, as a smile crept onto his beautiful pale face.

His eyes pierced mine, as I watched several junkies stumble off the sidewalk. His crisp, cool voice came out sounding almost excited.

"Is this your first time?"

I nodded, too ashamed to hear my own voice answer yes. A wicked smile etched an outline of his face, as I nervously stared at the gun.

"It's not for free you know. Pay up."

I scrambled within my pockets, trying to find grasp onto the money. A fine mist of sweat began to form on my forehead. I handed him several coins, as I watched him obsessively count them.

"Any place in particular you want it at?"

My eyes widened, as I quickly glanced around my body. I wasn't sure where it was supposed to go at. I nervously shrugged, as I felt my heartbeat thumping in my ears. The gun inched toward me, as the dealer let out a tiny smile.

"Alright, just hold still."

My body began to shake uncontrollably, as the gun got within inches of exposed flesh. The Z dealer merely shook his head, as he latched onto my arm.

"Now I told you to hold still didn't I? Looks like we'll have to do this the hard way."

Thoughts were racing through my mind at the speed of light. I was scared to death of that damn Zydrate gun. It crossed my mind that I was about to do drugs for the first time in years. My heartbeat increased, as sweat steadily dripped down my forehead. I began to panic.

The handsome, rainbow-haired man pushed me against a brick wall, holding me in place. I squirmed, as I tried to break free. I quickly decided that I didn't want to take the blue glowing narcotics. The man seemed to sense that, as he rushed to unbutton my shirt.

My chest was completely exposed and there was nothing I could do about it. His eyes grew slightly wider, as he traced my chest with his finger. A split second later, the gun brushed up against my flesh. I felt my face grow hot, as the man positioned himself.

As the gun touched me, I felt the Zydrate pierce into my body. The liquid shot through out my entire system in mere seconds. A warm feeling of relaxation swarmed over me, as my eyes slightly drooped.

I felt as though I had experienced an insane orgasm that had left me nearly drained. My entire body slightly convulsed, as my back arched.

The leader of the junkies eased up on his hold of me. I threw my hand against the wall to stop myself from falling over. The sweat on my forehead was quickly drying up, as I watched the man slowly walk away from me.

"Come back and see me whenever you need another hit."

I tried to compose myself, but I found it difficult to do so. Slowly, I buttoned up my shirt as my eyes watched him leave my side. I would never forget that intense feeling of my Zydrate usage.

After that one relaxing meeting, I found myself acquiring his services on a bi-weekly basis. I was addicted to Z without ever being addicted to the knife. I knew what I was doing was completely wrong but I didn't care.

I ambled slowly home late that evening, as the cool wind blew right through my body. I had to be careful on my way home that night, I couldn't feel a thing. I didn't want to accidentally break something and get Rotti completely pissed at me again.

As I got home, I awkwardly stumbled through the front door. As I closed the fireplace behind me, I made my way quickly down the stairs. As I fully entered my lab, I came across my old antique mirror that I gazed at quite often.

My body came to a halt, as I stared at that marvelous thing. I saw myself. I appeared very tired, as I saw the deep wrinkles cascading all over my face. My hair was quickly turning a light shade of gray. I wasn't as young as I used to be.

I slowly pulled my shirt back, examining the Zydrate mark left behind by the gun. My hand brushed up against the small hole, as I felt nothing there. My entire body was still completely numb, I couldn't feel anything at all.

Suddenly, my eyes grew wide as I began to see myself transform into the one monster I feared the most. I saw my Repo Man attire slip onto me one by one.

First, the helmet came crashing down onto my head. The suit promptly followed next, as did those demented black killing gloves. I knew that wasn't being caused by the Zydrate. Something that severe couldn't have been caused by some mere drug.

There was only one person I could consult about this entire thing. I asked that retched voice why this was happening. His voice sounded tired and very weak. He didn't quite sound like himself anymore.

_What do you want?_

I was slightly confused over his response. I didn't understand how he could ask that single question to me. I asked him why he didn't have anything to say whenever I took the Zydrate. I knew he was there watching me, I could feel it.

_What are you talking about Nathan? I was with you the entire time. You never took Z. _

My eyes widened, as I continued to blankly stare into the mirror before me. The Repo Man attire had completely vanished. I was all alone, but yet I could still hear him talking to me in the background.

I questioned my voice's theory of my Z usage, I _knew_ I had taken it. I instantly threw my shirt back open, staring at the mark. Sure enough, it was still there. I had in fact taken Zydrate and my voice knew nothing about it.

_What are you fucking talking about? I was with you the entire time. You never took that shit. _

I stared at myself in the mirror horrified. I wasn't sure what was happening to me. The voice was sounding more and more like myself. I couldn't fathom it. My hand started to quickly unzip my pants, as I tried to fight for control.

I felt my hard cock being released from the prison inside my pants. Sweat was already beginning to form on my forehead. My pants fell to the ground, as the possessed hand grabbed a hold of me. I tried to fight back, I didn't want any of this to happen.

My hand began to pump very fast, as I heard a low moan escape my lips. I felt my other hand quickly begin to unbutton my shirt, as it played with my nipples. A loud moan escaped my lips as my hand pumped harder. I yelled out no, trying to stop from being raped.

My voice heard nothing of it, as he continued to have his way with me. The hand that previously occupied my nipples, came across a lone scalpel that was on the table next to me.

I screamed out no, as the sound echoed off the walls. The voice wasn't going to stop no matter what. My hand rose into air, holding the scalpel up high so the world could see it. In one swift motion, I felt the cold, metal object thrust very harshly into my ass.

No matter how loud I screamed, no one could hear me. The lab was sealed air tight just for that very thing. There was no escaping this terrible fate that was thrust upon me. I felt the cold, metal object slice through almost every part of my rectum. Blood dripped out of me like a leaky faucet.

My possessed hand kept pounding away at my cock, it felt so good yet so bad. I watched myself in the mirror, I had a twisted smile of pleasure written on my face. I couldn't contain myself any longer, it was just too much. My body violently shook, as cum shot out of me hitting the mirror before me. It slid down like a tear drop.

The scalpel was ripped out of my ass just as harshly as it entered. Blood and semen soaked the floor beneath me. I found myself still holding onto that scalpel. My hand was continuing to act on its own. The scalpel violently made its way across my throat, blood poured down onto the floor.

My eyes grew wide, as I stared back at the violent mess in the mirror. My hand instantly shot up to my throat, clutching it tightly. Blood was gushing off my wound, I began to feel slightly light headed.

I stared in horror at myself in the mirror. I knew what had happened. I knew why my voice wasn't answering me before and why he didn't remember getting Z. My voice was never there to begin with. He was me.

I remembered sitting on the floor, staring at the mirror for hours mesmerized at the destroyed man I saw before me. I damn near killed myself with that scalpel.

It was completely unintentional of course. For the first time in my life, everything began to make sense. I began to understand how my "voice" formed.

My persona crawled out from the wreckage of losing Marni so many years ago. The simultaneous birth and death that happened right before my very eyes. Life came forth as death left. I never truly recovered from that horrible day.

I was burying my emotions deep within me, never attempting to fully understand them. The horrors of being a Repo Man struck violently within my heart. It was only natural that some horrendous persona emerged from that nasty job.

It seemed as though every major tragedy in my life molted and became one living, breathing person. I was myself the entire time. There wasn't this "voice" that controlled me, it was just me. Whatever I wanted to do I did it.

My "voice" didn't just take control and did unthinkable acts to human beings, that was me. That night Rotti showed me the photo of myself masturbating to a corpse was all me.

The scandalous relationship with Luigi Largo wasn't out of my control, I wanted it. The violent power struggles that seemed to happen, that was a result of my suicidal tendencies. I began using Zydrate that one, lonely night. I thought by doing drugs it could somehow ease my pain, it never did.

I was truly living out a lie to my one and only daughter, Shilo. Here she thought I was some big shot doctor, when in reality I was a Repo Man.

She thought her dad was this gentle and caring person, when in reality I was a cold, sick hearted bastard. She thought I was straight, and here I was gay. My life had become hard to live up to.

My many lies seemed to spread like a rapid disease to everyone around me. My sick and twisted heart led me down many paths I wish I had never taken. I was using extravagant lies to cover up my sick, sexual sadistic pleasures that I loved so much. I was completely denying my homosexuality.

I was too ashamed to admit to myself that I liked it up the ass. That, and the fact that I liked men. As a matter of fact I still do. My sexuality emerged from the vision that no woman could ever replace Marni. My secret relationship with Luigi Largo ended two days after that violent night in front of the mirror.

I had tried to live up to my "old" ways, acting as though nothing had happened. It surely didn't fool Luigi, and it damn sure didn't fool me.

He saw the violence and brutality that seemed to leave me. He wanted to be with the gruff sounding, ass pounding, sadistic man that I was now incapable of being. He immediately ended the relationship one evening, after his father Rotti caught us in bed together.

Not only was it the fact that our secret was now exposed, it was also from no longer being the man he fell in love with. If I remember correctly, Rotti banned him from GeneCo for quite a while. Rotti hated Luigi for doing that.

It wasn't from Luigi being bisexual, that was the least of Rotti's concerns. It was the mere fact that he was with me. Too many things seemed to center around me for some reason. I quit my job as a Repo Man early the next morning.

Rotti did everything in his power to keep me slaving for GeneCo. There was no way he could lose his top Repo Man. Immediately, Rotti seized the contract I had signed so many years ago.

There was only one loop hole that saved me from continuing that destructive, sickening job. According to the contract, "Any GeneCo personnel cannot work for the company without passing a mental evaluation."

I had instantly failed that test, whenever I checked myself into a mental hospital to seek help. I've been living here in the Sebastian-Hugh Mental Hospital for the past ten years now.

I had to go through the very painful task of revealing everything to Shilo. I told her the horror stories of my persona, my sex life, and my ex Repo Man job. At first, it was a complete shock to her.

Even though she was in her late teens, she took everything better then I expected. I couldn't be more proud to have such an accepting daughter such as herself.

For the past two years, I have been writing my memoir. Shilo is an adult now, and she has been coming here to visit me at least twice a week. She seems to have adapted to me being in here.

As I sit here in my room, typing the very thing I sought to accomplish on my long road of recovery; I realized something. A man is not measured by the wealth that he possesses. He is only measured by the person he becomes.


End file.
